his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
