i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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