Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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