I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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