We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
