I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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