woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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