I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I licked your asshole in confidence.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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