Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
