Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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