So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
