So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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