chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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