Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
