Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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