I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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