I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
