I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
