Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
