Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
