brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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