i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
