drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
