Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
