Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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