so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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