Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I came so hard my ears popped.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
