I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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