yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
