do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
