he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
