and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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