Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
