He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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