i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I want a musical about memes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
