i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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