I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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