So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize