We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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