Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
