I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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