went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
