My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
