you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
