I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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