Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
