He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
