): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
