He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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