I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
