does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize