i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
this boner is exhausting
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
