she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
is that a dick in a sweater?
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