I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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