You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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