$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
