Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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