I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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