YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
