I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
