How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
