I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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