What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
