I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize