god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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