those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I want a musical about memes.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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