worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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