i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize