At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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