i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Welp...herpes.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
