Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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