Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
