Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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