Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize