just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize