They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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