So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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