It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
