Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
